What's in a name?

My name is Christopher Vogel. My first name is Greek in origin and roughly translates to "Christ-bearer," however I do not think that this name makes me special. I was not named Christopher because my parents had some religious attachment or believed that I would always "carry Christ in my heart." My parents decided on the name Christopher because they wanted a name that could be shortened into a nickname, such as Chris, but could also be used as a formal name once I grew up. I do not think that I have done a very good job at representing what my name means, as I have not been very religious since the 7th grade. When I was younger my OCD was much more severe, and many of my fears that came with this illness were rooted in religion. I felt as though I had to give up religion to feel better, and so I did. I have not carried Christ in my heart like my name would suggest, but I am also rarely called Christopher anyway. Typically my peers and even most other people simply call me Chris, because it is shorter and easier to write down, so Chris is who I have been for as long as I can remember. This name does not hold any personal significance to me, but it has followed me my entire life. For me, the difference between Chris and Christopher depended on how much trouble I was in with my parents. Normally, I was Chris, but when I messed up, I was Christopher. If I had to make a bold assumption, I would say that that difference is the reason I still go by Chris. Christopher has too much of a disciplinary and strict connotation to it in my mind, so I prefer Chris. Regardless, I have no reason to hate my name or want to change it. It has never caused me any hardship, and I have learned to like that I can choose which name I want to represent me. The name of Christopher has not defined me or shaped my experience in any way. Thus, to me, my name is only a name.

In response to Anna Quindlen's thoughts in her essay "The Name is Mine", I also have experienced having two identities. Throughout my life this has occurred in more ways than one, but I will focus on just one instance of this. I have been both "Chris" and "Caroline's younger brother." My older sister, Caroline Vogel, makes a name for herself wherever she goes, and she always makes an impression in one way or another. I have followed in Caroline's footsteps since elementary school, usually having the same teachers and taking similar courses. Like Caroline, I joined the IB Diploma Programme junior year. Caroline is a very outgoing and vocal person by nature, and has no problem sharing her opinions of herself or of others to anyone that asks. Caroline was very social and knew how to interact with people in a way that I never could. I am very reserved in nature. I talk to people, but not to the extent that anyone would ask me to hang out after school. I do not find myself interesting, and thus I struggle in maintaining conversations for very long without freezing up. I keep my opinions of myself and others out of sight, except for in a few circumstances. I am terrified of being vocal because I am afraid that my opinions are not opinions that people want to hear. I shut myself off sometimes to avoid the judgement of others. There are only a few people I feel comfortable enough around to talk about my life with. I am not my sister, and I never will be like her. I felt trapped between how the world thought "Caroline's brother" would act, and how I really was. I always feared that my sister would give my future teachers misconceptions about me as a person, so I was relieved to discover that past initial introductions and the "Oh so you're Caroline's brother," no one really compared me to my sister. Once people got to know me, the idea of who "Caroline's brother" is was replaced with who Chris Vogel is.